Relax. Helping you create a happy, stress-free life for yourself is what this class is all about. Welcome to Lesson #6: Slow It Down. This is the sixth habit in Climb your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness pictured to the right.

Let me start by admitting that this is not always my best trait. I get wrapped up in projects almost to the point of becoming a workaholic. I could use some stress relief. So perhaps I'm writing this as much for me as I am for you. Let's look at ways to help slow down this ludicrous light-speed life we live in the 21st century ... and reduce all that happiness-sapping stress.

Let's see if we can shed that stress faster than an itchy serpent on growth hormones sheds its skin! Oops. That sounds a bit too much like the old joke: "Give me patience Lord, and I want it now!".

CONTENTS

1. Instructions
2. Overview of Habit #6: Stress and math
3. Questions to ask yourself about stress
4. Practical tips for stress relief and relaxation
5. A few thoughts on stress and relaxation
6. Mystery File: The Case of Chief Octopus Tanya
7. Mystery File: The Case of Donny's Lonely Pillow
8. Mystery File: The Case of Beer
9. A review of Lesson #5
10. Resources for stress relief and relaxation (books, web sites, programs)
11. Administrivia

INSTRUCTIONS

The following section will help you start thinking about Habit #6 and stress relief. As you consider the stresses you sometimes face, you are preparing to ask yourself some personal questions in section three and choose some practical ways to hop off the endless treadmill in section four.

Section five gives us something motivational to think about relaxation. Sections six through eight present more super mystery case studies, although somewhat different than usual this time, with the opportunity for you to provide stress-relief for the participants.

** Remember , there are no wrong answers here, because each of us has her own stresses.

Next lesson, I will share with you a few of my own thoughts on today's mysteries, which I hope help you find relaxation and stress relief. Speaking of which, let's wrap up this lesson with a review of last lesson's cases and a few thoughts about them, followed by resources for further study.

Enjoy this lesson.

How many teenagers can you fit in a telephone booth? Or in a Volkswagen Beetle? If you can remember antics like that, you are older than I am. We have no time for silly games like that any more. These days we are too busy trying to see how many hours of work and "activities" we can stuff into a 24-hour day. (Hint: 24, unless you wish to eat, sleep and bathe)

Of course, there are many repercussions of racing the treadmill into the ground. Two of these are stress and fatigue.

In my life as a consumer advocate, I dealt with both of these extensively. I represented the local AAA affiliate on issues such as aggressive driving and drowsy driving. Let's look at each of these and see what they reveal about our lives in general.

Aggressive driving is not the sole property of deranged, anger-maniacs. Yes, those top-of-the-news "road rage" incidents have a psychological twist to them, but the bulk of aggressive driving involves tailgating, cutting other vehicles off, running red lights, excessive speeding, lane weaving, driving slowly in the fast lane and keeping others from passing or entering our lanes. While some people with aggression problems do lots of this, most of us do some.

Let's face it ... stress makes us aggressive! Stress makes us antisocial. Of course, there are different kinds of stress, but I'm talking about the stress from trying to fit too much into our schedules and trying to make it all balance.

Drowsy driving also happens to all of us. No, I'm not just talking about people who fall asleep at the wheel and crash, often with some alcohol in their blood. I'm talking about the person who has had only five hours of sleep each night this week, and is driving with a) slower reflexes, b) shorter attention span, c) daydreams, and d) a narrower field of vision. Of course, that could be you or me. It certainly has been me, and it has been just about everybody I know.

Let's do a little math.

Do I get enough sleep?

How much more sleep do I need?

How can I get more sleep? Do I need to set an earlier bed time? Can I sleep in more in the morning? Do I need to wear socks to bed? (This last one not recommended for residents of Central America)

Do I try to do too much in the day? Am I stressed about trying to complete all my projects … Or about not being able to complete them? What can I knock off my schedule?

Do I really need that cell phone and pager just to keep me from accidentally having time just to myself?

Dump the cell phone and pager. Or if you absolutely need a cell phone or pager, set strict hours and obey them. Being constantly connected to the 24-hour on-demand wireless leash leaves no time for down time. If you must bring work home, keep it in a separate room and set aside a specific time to get it done. We all need an escape from work.

Don't sign your child up for five programs next term. Make the choice between piano and karate and ballet-jazz and little-league and 4-H and gymnastics and soccer and lion-taming. Both you and your child need some down time. And as much as each program is valuable, none are as valuable as having time to play together, parent and child, in an unstructured, no-pressure environment.

Set yourself a bed time half an hour earlier than you now go to bed. Ah, wouldn't an extra half hour feel good? I'm sure Jay Leno will forgive you if you tell him you're doing it for your happiness.

Of course, make sure you have a comfortable bed, with comfortable blankets and pillows. If you have porcupine bedding now, a paper-thin worn-through blanket, sandpaper sheets or clumpy chunky pillows, trade them in right away for something a little softer

NOTE: There are many more practical tips on stress relief and relaxation in The Get Happy Workbook pictured above.

"You can outdistance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you." -- Rwandan proverb

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat." -- Lily Tomlin

"Tell them you're busy." -- stage actor Kevin Spacey to the owner of a ringing cell phone in the audience

"The national sleep debt is larger and more important than the national monetary debt." -- Stanford Sleep Disorders Center director William Dement

"Life would be so much easier if we could just stretch the days out like salt water taffy." -- Mary Lou Retton

Many people are energized by their jobs. They get satisfaction knowing they are achievers, that other people can count on them and that they are slowly but surely "moving up".

Tanya is one of those people. A busy project management executive, she scratched her way up to the middle by outperforming her peers. Her projects always ran smoothly, and now she makes sure her team's projects meet her own high standards. She also makes sure she has the opportunity for input into higher level projects, so she'll be noticed by the who's who of her company.

Tanya's reliability has already brought her much attention. People are always stopping by for advice or assistance. Tanya never turns anybody away. She is often seen picking up the phone while staring at a computer screen and holding up the "just a moment" finger to a waiting colleague ... as her pager starts to beep.

Tanya has her hands in so many projects, I have given her a new title: Chief Octopus.

As with all things in life, there is a price for Tanya's ambition: late nights at the office, rushed meals and little time to build a social life. Sometimes Tanya gets little sleep, and what she gets is often restless. She tries to work out at the gym, as much to relieve stress as to keep fit, and she keeps a reasonably regular workout schedule.

Is Tanya overworked? Is she overstressed? Does she need help? Or is she just fine. If she does need help, how much and what kind? What do you suggest? Feel free to share your suggestions with me at Info@TheHappyGuy.com. Your input will be helpful for future Happy Class projects.

Donny's Pillow is lonely. Poor Donny's Pillow. It doesn't see as much of Donny as a well-adjusted pillow would expect. Donny is not a workaholic, nor is he a computer games addict. But he often finds himself poring over technical reports or battling the Evil Empire of the Mutant Venusian Belly-crawlers in the silent hours of the morning.

He gets restless at night and doesn't sleep well. Rather than toss and turn, he gets up to do something "productive".

Donny has never spoken to a doctor about his sleep issue because he does not figure it to be medical problem. Actually, he doesn't figure it's that much of a problem, as he gets fairly full nights of sleep four or five nights a week.

What do you think? Does he have a problem? Should he be seeking medical advice? Should he be changing his mattress or his pre-bedtime routine? What do you do to get a better night's sleep? Let me know at Info@TheHappyGuy.com (Maybe I can share them with others, too.)

I hope you don't think I am going to actually offer a case of beer right here. There are some things that just are too messy to put on a web page. But consider this:

Carmen walked into the kitchen to find her husband, Mike, stalking around with a fly swatter poised to strike.

"What on earth are you doing?" She demanded.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"I see. Kill any yet?" She asked.

"Sure did, 3 males, 2 females," he replied.

Puzzled, she asked. "How can you tell which are males and which are females?"

He responded, "That's easy, 3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

What has a joke to do with relaxation and stress relief? Everything. In fact, one of the best ways to relax and reduce your stress is a good belly laugh. Telling jokes, watching truly funny television (not shows with poor excuses for jokes that sometimes make you grin or groan just a little bit) or reading a totally silly joke (and they don't get sillier than this one) are great ways to reduce stress.

Let's review the mysteries we read about in Lesson #5:

The Case of Nina's Iceberg Fears Nina will need a lot of coaching. She is very shy or very afraid or both. If people around her are supportive, she will slowly blossom, but we can't expect it overnight. As she starts to hear stories of how some of the more accomplished Toastmasters started out just like her, she ill start feeling more comfortable. As she sees the supportive feedback they offer, she'll loosen up. And as she sees other new Toastmasters start speaking she will overcome that feeling of being the only one who has to overcome her shyness. For her part, Nina has to practice and simply go out there and outperform the butterflies in her stomach. And she should choose carefully a sympathetic mentor from among the group. She may want to start by engaging in more small talk and networking before jumping right into public speaking. The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine would be great tool for her, as would be Networking: How to Creatively Tap Your People Resources by Colleen Clarke.

The Case of Lilly's Faltering Health Lilly needs to get motivated to move. For many people, that means making a commitment it's hard to break, like going to the gym with a friend - not a lazy friend, but the kind of friend she can count on to kick her butt. It may mean giving away her television. It may mean placing all her chairs in the attic, so she forces herself to stand much more and sit much less. Lilly may need to prepare a schedule that places exercising first thing in the morning. For many people, it is easier to stick to something before the ebb and flow of the day throws their schedules out of whack..

The Case of Darryl's Terror This is a tough call. Would Darryl be happier confronting his fear? If so, he may need professional help to coach him through it. Of course, the best way to defeat his fear of cars is to face it head on. That may or may not kill the fear in time, but it certainly will ensure he gets to enjoy things like camping that require a car. Whether he will be happier or not depends on how much fear remains and how much he enjoys camping. He might want to read Embracing Fear by Thom Rutledge.

An excellent book on stress relief is Relax-You May Have Only a Few Minutes Left by Loretta Laroche.

Here are a few more resources for relaxation:

Cuddledown provides top quality pillows and bedding.

Get a spa treatment right in your own neighborhood.

The Parenting Toolbox helps take the stress out of parenting.

Stress relief tips and strategies
Stress management for parents
Hippo Rage
Free meditation tips and techniques

And the fine print ...

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