A few months ago, I set on my "healthy dieting" plan to lose 22.6 pounds, then to put back on at least half of it.

Huh? Anybody who's ever found herself stuck on a yo-yo diet is probably thinking that I am either crazy or planning way too hard for the inevitable yo-yo heartaches. However, my dieting plan is more sneaky than that.

First, I want to lose this rubber tire I've been carrying around my waist. Have you ever gotten stuck inside a rubber tire? It's not a pretty site. This was as much a waist loss plan, as a weight loss plan.

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Then, I want to put back some of that weight in the form of muscle. It's my grand master plan to change my shape from looking like a silly pear to looking like an upside down silly pear.

Will it work?

So far, I think I have the "silly" part figured out. And I have lost 14.6 pounds, but I think I really lost more than that, because I have already taken a jump-start on adding those muscle pounds.

I would love to share with you my current weight, but that is very private information. Why should it be so private? I am not 100% certain, but I believe it is to help people easily move between Earth and the Moon without being detected by hidden scales. (Why people keep their age private is the subject of my column on aging gracefully.

Free dieting tips – my top ten list

While there is much more to healthy dieting than a few tips, these ten dieting tips should help you laugh away a few pounds (What a great way to lose!). Hint: the tips are serious; the explanations are not.

Healthy Dieting Tip #1: Never eat before bed. This is just common sense. It is so much more fun to eat in bed.

Healthy Dieting Tip #2: Bake, don't fry. This is also common sense. Baking allows you to retain more friendships. When you bake in the sun, you get a nice tan and go for a dip in the pool to cool off with your friends. But when you fry, you get a sunburn and don't dare go in the shower for a week...which scares your friends away.

Healthy Dieting Tip #3: Drink five gallons of water before every meal. This will help you eat less during the meal. Let's face it, very few people can over-eat consistently while dashing to the bathroom.

Healthy Dieting Tip #4: Don't taste-test while you cook. Many cooks taste their dishes several times while cooking to make sure the flavor is just right. Over a lifetime, a typical cook might put on 13.4 pounds just taste-testing food that will eventually be taste-tested by the entire family – with sometimes entertaining results! (Remember that laughter is a great way to burn calories?)

Healthy Dieting Tip #5: Don't eat what your kids leave behind. Admit it, after your kids leave the table and are busy pinning the tail on the cat with epoxy glue, you gather up the food they leave on their plates. You just can't bear to throw it away because you know that there is enough to feed a small, famished African country. So you eat a "second supper" just out of guilt. How can you be so heartless?! Send the leftover food to that small, famished African country.

Healthy Dieting Tip #6:: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches don't have all that many carbs, if you eat them in moderation. But stay away from those dreaded peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches.

NOTE: This carb tracking software can help you stay on "track".

Healthy Dieting Tip #7: Blot your pizza to remove 17% of the saturate fats. If you blot it really well, you can remove 100%. Of course, an empty plate might require a spicier sauce...

Healthy Dieting Tip #8: No snacking in front of the TV. Get up. Right now. No snacking in front of my TV. I don't want crumbs on my living room carpet.

Healthy Dieting Tip #9: Schedule your exercise. It's true, if you don't schedule it, your exercise will get pushed aside by things you do schedule. I suggest scheduling it during office meetings, dental appointments and reality TV shows. You wouldn't want to miss anything important, would you?

Healthy Dieting Tip #10: This is a good one. Why, because #10 on any top-ten list is always a good one. Ten is a great number. So tip #10 is to celebrate every ten pounds lost by preparing a triple chocolate double-dip cheesecake supreme ice cream parfait deluxe. Go ahead and drool. You deserve it. And if you think preparing it is fun, just wait until you lose another 50 pounds ... and have permission to actually eat it.

I hope these free dieting tips help you. On a serious note, most people will lose a significant amount of weight if they follow these ten healthy dieting tips along with watching their calories, according to any popular healthy dieting plan. Well...almost. You might not want to follow tip #6. You will probably lose fewer pounds eating jelly than you would eating jellyfish.

If eating is your problem, you probably should pick up a copy of Why Do You Overeat?. It is the must-read for anyone who can't reduce the amount they eat.

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Also, the Weight Loss Institute offers you useful information on diet pills, nutrition, exercise, so that you can better achieve your health and weight loss goals.

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