The 10 Life Laws of Dr. Phil McGraw

A funny thing happens when I wear a tie these days.  Back in my previous life, a tie was part of my daily regimen.  It was my work environment.  Now I am more likely to wear pajamas or sweats. 

So when I wear a tie these days, Little Lady (3 years old) thinks I am Dr. Phil McGraw.  Of course, she usually sees ties only when the Dr. Phil show is on. 

In honor of Little Lady, this week and next week we will be exploring Dr. Phil McGraw's "Ten Life Laws".

Dr. Phil McGraw's First Life Law:
You either get it, or you don't.

In his usually blunt way, Dr. Phil is telling us that we need to understand why we do things or don't do things.  Only then can we decide what to change, how to change it and whether it is even worth changing. 

This is the very underpinning of self-help.  For instance, there are a thousand things any of us can do to become happier.  Only by understanding what makes us act the way we do, can we determine how much effort it would take to make a particular change.

Sometimes it even helps to hire a professional - a therapist - to help see clearer, beyond personal assumptions that can cloud our vision.

How well do you know yourself?

RELATED RESOURCES:

  The Get Happy Workbook your personal happiness planner

  Dr. Phil McGraw's books

Dr. Phil McGraw's Second Life Law:
You create your own experience.

It is easy to blame others for our state of being, our position in society and for poor relationships. Dr. Phil is making it clear that we have the right and the power to take charge and make our life what we want it to be.

In my field of happiness, that is what first motivated me to write Climb Your Stairway to heaven: The 9 Habits of Maximum Happiness. Enough complaining about what makes us unhappy, I decided...let's do something to increase our happiness.

I believe that you control as much of your life as you want to. The choice is yours.

RELATED RESOURCES:

  How to Set and Achieve a Goal to help you make your experience happen

  Dr. Phil McGraw's books Get them here.

Dr. Phil McGraw's Third Life Law:
People Do What Works.

We saw this in Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Loss Challenge. You have to identify the payoffs and use them as motivators.

For instance, how many people do you know who are stuck in a job they don't like or have simply outgrown? They want out but... What keeps them there? Simple. They are stuck in a comfort zone, and the payoff is that they don't have to worry about the risks of change.

You have to create your own motivation, and it has to be strong enough to leave your comfort zone and make the changes you need.

RELATED RESOURCES:

  Forward Living the best motivational piece on the Internet

  Dr. Phil McGraw's books Get them here.

Dr. Phil McGraw's Fourth Life Law:
You can't change what you don't acknowledge.

Welcome to perhaps the toughest of Dr. Phil's laws. It is tough because we often make excuses for our behaviors. We don't want to admit to others or to ourselves that we have a problem. That is why AA considers it so important for members to say the words: "I am an alcoholic".

Whether it is an addiction, a bad habit, a character weakness or a fear that haunts you, the first step is to admit the problem. Acknowledge what is not working in your life.

Dr. Phil McGraw points out that you can lie to yourself in two ways: you can tell yourself something that is not true, or you can leave out the details you don't wish to acknowledge. Either way, you gain nothing by deceiving yourself.

This returns to Law #1: You either get it, or you don't. If you lie to yourself, you won't get it.

BTW, sometimes it helps to talk to your journal (writing a diary), when expressing your feeling out loud is too difficult.

RELATED RESOURCES:

  The 5 Year Journal an ideal diary.

  What your handwriting reveals about you helps you acknowledge your personality and character.

Dr. Phil McGraw's books Get them here.

Dr. Phil McGraw's Fifth Life Law:
Life rewards action.

So you've set a goal, you've made your plans, and you are all ready to taste success. Why is it not happening yet? Dr. Phil says it is because we left out the most important part - action!

This is the biggest weakness of the self-help movement. Lot's of pretty words, but precious little action. It is for this reason that I mix useful tips in with the motivation in this newsletter. It is for this reason that I created The Get Happy Workbook to move beyond motivation and help people prepare individual action plans.

Are you stuck in a self-help rut, or are taking action to make it happen?

RELATED RESOURCES:

  MyGoals.com individual action plans for just about any goal

End Procrastination Now a step-by-step plan to end procrastination.

  Dr. Phil McGraw's books Get them here.

Dr. Phil McGraw's Sixth Life Law:
There is no reality, only perception.

This is a really hard one for some people to grasp, since our perceptions always seem so real.

Of course, Dr. Phil McGraw knows there is a reality. The sun shines, whether we perceive it to be a wonderful, bright day or a dreadfully hot day. But our experience, our emotions, our results are determined by that filter of how we perceive the sun.

Perception is a choice, whether conscious or not. If there is one thing you can do for yourself, starting now, is to decide to perceive things positively. You will be amazed what a wonderful world this is when you become 100% committed to viewing it that way.

RELATED RESOURCES:

  Dr. Phil McGraw's books Get them here.

Dr. Phil McGraw's Seventh Life Law:
Life is managed, not cured.

Too many people look to self-help books to "cure" them of a fear or a depression or an addiction or whatever haunts them.

Dr. Phil is telling us very directly that there is no cure for life. If you keep looking for one, you won't see what the good self-help books really have to offer: strategies for managing life.

If, for instance, you were born or developed over-abundant energy, learn how to channel it to help others rather than annoy them. If you have a food addiction, learn techniques to turn your attention to the right foods. If you have a fear, learn how to overcome the fear (feel the fear and do it anyway) or how to keep away from what causes the fear.

In the end, what counts is your life. Some is good, some not. If you can manage it well, life will be much more pleasant than if you chase after some magic cure that simply does not exist.

RELATED RESOURCES:

  Embracing Fear book review

Reclaim Your Life book review

  Dr. Phil McGraw's books Get them here.

Dr. Phil McGraw's Eighth Life Law:
We teach people how to treat us.

Have you ever taught a dog to obey a command? Dr. Phil McGraw is saying that humans are not that different. We respond to rewards and threats. When a result feels good, we are likely to repeat it. When it feels bad, we are less likely to repeat it.

Every time we react to what somebody else says or does, we are teaching her how to treat us. If you don't like how somebody is treating you, you can curse and blame...or you can retrain that person.

This is an area that might require professional help to explain what reactions you need to make in order to train the other person. But, just like with good dog obedience school, you will be training yourself at the same time.

Are you ready to train?

RELATED RESOURCES:

  The Red Hot Persuasion Wizard train people how to treat you, get that raise, negotiate a better mortgage, sell anything.

  Dr. Phil McGraw's books Get them here.

Dr. Phil McGraw's Nineth Life Law:
There is power in forgiveness.

We all carry with us baggage from everything we have experienced, including resentment or even anger. This is heavy baggage to bear, and Dr. Phil thinks we should unload it through forgiveness.

Forgiveness opens the way to reduced stress, better health, peace and, of course, much more happiness in life.

Perhaps you resent something your parents did or didn't do. You can do nothing to change what has happened. But you can forgive them. You can release the anger. You can release YOURSELF from the chains of anger.

Forgive and fly free.

RELATED RESOURCES:

  Healing Together book review

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger book review

  Dr. Phil McGraw's books Get them here.

Dr. Phil McGraw's Tenth Life Law:
You have to name it to claim it.

It is amazing what power language grants us. It language that allows us to formulate ideas and share them with others. Dr Phil tells us to put a specific label on what we want.

"I want to be happier" is not very specific. "I want to receive support from friends when I announce plans I have" is a much more specific goal. More specific still is "I want my friends to help me stick to my diet".

The more specific, the more likely you will succeed.

RELATED RESOURCES:

  How to Set and Achieve a Goal to help you make your experience happen

  MyGoals.com individual action plans for just about any goal

  Dr. Phil McGraw's books Get them here.

Related information