Boost self-esteem tip #1: Think back to when you did something new for the first time. Self-confidence isn’t always what we think it is. Many experts distinguish between self-confidence on one side and self-esteem on the other. Self-confidence is about what we can do by virtue of our efforts. What we are good and bad at. The self-confidence grows along with the quality of the effort.

Self-esteem is more fundamental and is about the feeling of being worth something, just because we are who we are, and not because we have done something. A good sports man can have a huge success and self-confidence, because he’s good at his sport. In the same time his self-esteem can be low, if his parents have never acknowledged and treasured him for the person he is deep inside, but only for his sporty performances.

To recognize a healthy and well-developed self-confidence is when you feel well-balanced and comfortable. A bad self-confidence shows as a constant feeling of insecurity, self-criticism and sense of guilt. If you have a healthy self-esteem, it’s very rare you’ll have problems with a low self-confidence.

Build self-esteem if you were not born with it

Some people just have it, as if they were born to it. To talk in front of a crowd of people, sell themselves at job interviews or to start an interesting conversation with people they’ve never met before. There is comfort for you, if you don’t belong to this category.

Self-confidence isn’t something you receive as a birth gift. It’s something you develop gradually as you turn over the pages of the thick book of life. If you work goal-directed to improve your belief in yourself, you’ll eventually built up your courage to do what self-assured people find natural, instead of generating heart throb, breathing difficulties and sweaty hands.

Self-confidence is an important part of your baggage. Without it, life will be a constant evasive action controlled by fear and inferiority complexes. It’ll be harder to archive what you want, just because the thought of how impossible it might seem, will make you turn in the wrong direction. Many people have such an ill self-confidence that they - through life - avoid doing things they dream about and need. Some of them have always been told “You can’t do it” or “take care, it will fail.” If it’s some of the most important people in your life, i.e. your parents, who has been the negative judges in your life, it’s especially bad.

A child with a yet so blank identity has blind confidence that the parents are fantastic and always right. The child will very fast take over the parents “You can’t do it”- tune and play it over and over in the mind as if it’s a forever truth. If we don’t believe that we can and dare, we avoid certain situations because of the fear to fail. Then we will never proof to ourselves and to others that we actually can.

Many aim lower than they actually should in their career. They avoid an exam because they are afraid of bad grades and hereby prove that they can’t do it. Or they search for a job with a lower risk. Our way of thinking is very important. If we constantly think in failures there’s a huge risk that we unconsciously head straight for it.

People with low self-esteem listen to other people’s opinions and rules, instead of listening to their own needs and wishes. Perhaps they do something to please others. Perhaps they don’t do anything because they fear the reactions from others. Or they might be individualists and will rather do things on their own.

If you’re ‘invisible’ you’ll never get the chance to say what you mean, who you are, and what you can. Then others have to guess and that creates misunderstandings. You won’t receive very much feedback from your surroundings. It creates insecurity about what others think of you and again there is a high breeding ground for guessing and ghost images.

Regardless of fear and shyness you’ll have to get out of your hiding to improve your self-confidence. Be more visible to your surroundings. Do something else, than you use to. Break the vicious circle of negative, self-fulfilling prophecies and try yourself in different situations. We have all many great abilities that just have to be exposed.